12 November 2008

Semi-Triumphant Return

Gentle reader(s)-
While I definitely still love my hometown team, the Minnesota Twins, I broke up with blogging for awhile. We just weren't clicking. I wanted some more space, blogging got scared and we took some time off. Plus, I got a dog.

But now I'm back!

I am now used to hearing a bunch of garbage on TV about the Wolves and the Vikings, but I heard some serious garbage last night: Pat Neshek, our beloved #17, will be out for the 2009 season due to Tommy John surgery. I die. Now, don't get me wrong, I know the other kiddies will pick up the slack, but I genuinely respect Mr. Sidearm. While he's not hideous, his bizarre delivery and sound pitching ability are the reasons why I love watching him, not for his striking jawline. Mr. Blackburn, take a note. In his absence, I'm sure Mr. Neshek will be keeping his grapher blog up-to-date with the latest and greatest.

05 March 2008

You Pick 'Em: 2008 MLB Winners

Brought to you by RyanGlanzer.com: MLB 2008 Prediction Game! You should play, too! Have fun and win bragging rights!

For your amusement, here are my ridiculously specific predictions:

Who will win the AL East? Boston Red Sox. The AL East will be a 3-horse race all through the summer before the Yanks and the Blue Jays fall off in late August. The Orioles will be embarassingly bad and will finish behind the Tampa Bay Rays.

Who will win the AL Central? Detroit Tigers. Minnesota will nip at Detroit's heels the whole season, while Cleveland will trade C.C. Sabathia at the deadline after a very disappointing 2008. The White Sox will start the season strong but will finish below the Royals.

Who will win the AL West? The Seattle Mariners will win the division handily after Torii Hunter suffers what effectively is a season-ending injury. Oakland will not contend. The Texas Rangers will see minor flashes of brilliance from their young catcher, Jarrod Saltalamacchia.

Who will win the NL East? New York Mets. Johan Santana will carry his team into the playoffs but won't be able to win an NLDS game, inciting the ire of the New York media. The Phillies will be not far behind them, and the Braves will go on a dramatic winning streak mid-season and briefly look like they will contend. The Nationals will be terrible, but will benefit financially and morally from increased attendance at their stunning new ballpark.

Who will win the NL Central? Chicago Cubs. The Brewers will give the Cubs trouble the whole season, but they will not be able to seal the deal as they win few of their late non-divisional series.

Who will win the NL West? San Diego Padres. The Friars avenge their 2007 season by beating around the Rockies, and emerge victorious from the tough NL West. Dan Haren implodes after the All-Star break and the D'Backs rotation is unable to pick up the slack. The Dodgers are merely average and the Giants are terrible.

Who will win the AL Wild Card? Minnesota Twins. The Twins will surprise all the analysts this year by contending closely with Detroit, leading a "children's crusade" to the ALCS. Scott Baker's name will be bandied about in AL Cy Young discussions. Much to this blogger's delight, Juan Rincon is traded to the Marlins for a player to be named later.

Who will win the NL Wild Card? Philadelphia Phillies. It'll be right down to the wire between the Phils and the Brewers, but the Phillies will squeak by.

Who will represent the American League in the World Series? Detroit Tigers. The Tigers will handily sweep the Red Sox in the ALDS, and overly-entitled Boston fans will flood internet message boards with their self-misery. The Twins will have a knock-down, drag-out fight with the Mariners, but will win it in the dramatic final game against former Twin Carlos Silva. However, they will be beaten down by this protracted series and will only be able to win one game of the ALCS, as the Tigers' powerful, well-rested lineup proves too potent for the upstart Minnesota team.

Who will represent the National League in the World Series? Chicago Cubs. The Cubs will take straight games from the Mets, who look very little like the dominant team they were during the regular season. The Padres' bullet-proof rotation proves the downfall of the strong Phillies, though Philadelphia manages to steal a game from the Friars. However, the Padres' joy will be brief as they can't overcome the Cubs and are swept in the NLCS.

Who will win the World Series? The Cubbies will go on pure emotion to win a nail-biter in 7 games, marking two '08 championships. Detroit will burn.

Who will win the AL Most Valuable Player? Miguel Cabrera lives up to his reputation, playing a huge role in Detroit's march to the World Series.

Who will win the NL Most Valuable Player? Homegrown San Diegoan Adrian Gonzalez goes deep 39 times, hitting .331 overall and mashing RHPs at the rate of .617.

Who will win the AL Cy Young? Josh Beckett will be predictably good, also taking the AL strike-out crown.

Who will win the NL Cy Young? Jake Peavy will be an upset win over Johan Santana. Brad Penny will come in third.

Who will lead the AL in home runs? A-Rod (56) (who will again be "Mr April").

Who will lead the NL in home runs? Matt Holliday (49).

Tiebreaker: What will Nick Punto's batting average be? 2.68--it will be quite the year for little Nicky Punto.

03 March 2008

In Which The New York Media Ticks Me Off

Remember the interminable months of Santana trade rumors and more rumors? I certainly do. What I remember very distinctly, too, is how the New York media outlets devoted hours of coverage to one idea: that while Johan Santana is good, very good, and perhaps the very best in baseball, is he really that much better than someone we already have?

The answer, Minnesota fans already know, is: OF COURSE HE IS.

When his stats, both traditional and sabremetric, are lined up in front of your eyes, it's hard not to get queasy thinking of the way Bill Smith and all of Twins Territory got fleeced by the trade. Sure, Philip Humber is having an okay spring, and Carlos Gomez is showing the speed he was supposed to have. But we should have gotten more, so much more for him.

So while I'm usually not one to complain about coastal bias, I'm pretty well ticked off. Because after all those months of "Is Johan Santana Really That Good?", the New York Times devotes 1,240 words on Santana's change-up. 1,240 slobbery, reverent words on the evolution and wonderment that is one pitch.

I guess now that all really is said and done, this fan can only say: Carlos Gomez better be fast.

29 February 2008

Play Ball!

Hurrah! The days of reports from workouts and clinic sessions are over. The Grapefruit League has opened!

Of course, the Twins lost to the Reds, 6-1. Scott Baker started and did well, Matt Guerrier followed suit, and Glen Perkins dug a big hole with a wind-aided 3-run dinger.

Worst of all, the offense was the same as in 2007: practically nonexistent. The lone run scored was on three--three!--consecutive Reds errors.

I almost don't care, though. Baseball's back, baby!

Formerly chubby, newly BPILF-ilicious Boof Bonser opens things up at Hammond Stadium against Dice-K and the BoSox tonight at 6:05 CST.

28 February 2008

Twins 2008 Roster: Short on hotness.

These are sad times in BPILF Nation, my friends. Winter has been cruel to us: foxy Torii Hunter bounced to Californ-i-a, Johan Santana and his exceptionally sexy accent followed the money East, and Smiley Matt Garza headed south with cutie cute Jason Bartlett.

Yes, this will be a lean year for us daring few who base our fandom on the physical attractiveness of the men on the field. But hope is not lost! We still have hometown boy and the original BPILF, Joe Mauer. Sexiest Canadian alive Justin Morneau is locked in for six years at an $80m price tag. He is also, tragically, engaged to be married. To someone who is not me.

Joe Nathan is also still in Minnesota, though it remains to be seen if he'll get inked to a longer contract or be dangled as trade bait late in the summer.

There is of course, still Scott Baker, who is still delicious! Boof Bonser is back and he's cut out all the Snickers bars, so we'll give him a shot.

But the most pressing question is, what of these newcomers?

Philip Humber: Acquired from the Mets. Not an attractive roster photo, but not immediately unattractive.
Delmon Young: Again, not UNattractive. Has tendency to make weird shapes with his mouth when someone points a camera at him.
Carlos Gomez: Really, really not attractive.
Adam Everett: One of the goofiest-looking major leaguers since Lew Ford. Seriously.
Brendan Harris: Roster photo makes him look like he belongs on the short bus, however on the field he is semi-hot. Plus, he wears the knickers and tall socks! Sold.
Jason Pridie: No. Just no.

There we have it, Twins fans. Let's hope these goofy-lookin' dudes can at least play.

19 February 2008

Thank God My Boyfriend Loves Baseball, Otherwise I Would Move to NYC to Stalk Phil Hughes

Excellent! Noted hottie Phil Hughes has his own little slice of the internets.

He runs contests, tells us about the music he likes, and wow does he have a shitty digital camera.

The Phil Hughes Weblog.

Oh, Phil Hughes....want to lick.

(Link originally from the awesomeness that is Babes Love Baseball.)

16 February 2008


Yes, I did irritate Brian Buscher. No, Nick Blackburn is only decent looking in real life, not super hot. Thanks to Laur for taking the torch on this one as I've been too lazy to do anything since my laptop broke. At any rate, my story: we were at one of the tables and the last two guys at that particular autograph table were Brian Buscher and Nick Blackburn. Buscher signs my thing and whatever. Nick Blackburn says hi and asks how I'm doing. Rather than confessing how I really felt ("Wow! You're not that hot in person, so I'm disappointed..."), I told him I was well and that I really enjoyed watching him last season. He looks up at me with a perplexed expression and says "Really? Why?" "Well, it was fun to watch you come up from the minors late in the season and start to develop as a major league pitcher. You were my favorite player to watch." Upon hearing this, Brian Buscher looks up at me, with this pissed off face and mutters "Thanks." I kinda shrugged my shoulders at him, whatever cheddar. So yes, I insulted Brian Buscher and I'm not afraid to say it.