I hate Detroit.

When Detroit was at the Dome last, I (hand)wrote a whole post of the reasons why I hate that damn team. Unbeknownst to me, BLB had already done pretty much the exact same thing (or said Nicky when I read her the post: "Dude, do you have to fuckin' rip off BLB so blatently?"). They may have said it first, they may say it better. But I have to say it too.

Nate Robertson: Your glasses are stupid looking. Really, has no one ever told you that? Perhaps you are the butt of some sort of extended clubhouse prank.

Ivan "Pudge" Rodriguez: Stop being so good. Seriously.

Todd Jones: Muttonchops? Seriously? I know, 300 career saves, blah blah blah. All I see are muttonchops.

Magglio Ordonez: You have stupid, flowing hair. When you run in to catch a shallow fly, or at the end of the inning, you look ridiculous. Cut your hair, then maybe you'll win some titles. Ever think that Justy's MVP title had more to do with him being fine as hell than his rather mediocre numbers? I sure do.

Gary Sheffield: Maybe--just maybe!--it's not that the Yankees, all baseball scouts, all beat reporters and most of the people who work in professional baseball are all racists. But maybe, maybe, it's that you're an ass who says stupid shit, and that they don't like you, Gary Sheffield. Maybe.

Socked.

Twins 4, White Sox 6. So sad. I was in the lower level with my good buddy Matt. I was pretty happy with the game, all in all. Honestly, it was a good game, it was back and forth. 3 strikes from the Sox, 12 from the Twinkies. I cannot say how excited I am to see what happens with Blackie. He's just a puppy. He's a strong pitcher and I think he could do a lot for us.
I have a strong connection to Lew Ford for some reason. I don't know why. I just love the dude. Laur makes fun of me for it. He's back in left field, where he belongs and he made such a wicked catch in T7. Basketballer-style jump. Y'know, we made the list of things that Matt Garza likes...how about a list of things that Lew likes? I hafta give props to my buddy Matt for his major input. And now, I give you things that Lew Ford likes:

• Rocking Chairs
• Sunsets
• Warm Milk
• Arnie Palmers
• Matlock
• Murder She Wrote
• Going to bed early
• Magic Cards
  

Things Lew does not like:

• Driving faster than 5 mph under the speed limit
• Hooligans
• Rabble rousers
• Waking up any later than 8:00 am
• Damn punk kids
• Noisy hippy-hop rap music...just sounds like noises and loud talking

Runs scored for the Twins in innings 3 and 6. White Sox scored in innings 1, 4, 5 and 7. Very back and forth. We'll see what happens tomorrow, it's an early game, so the boys might be cranky, what with missing their naps and Mr. Rogers and whatnot. You get the idea.

Fetch me a broom!

Because we swept the series!! Yeah, buddy! #2 BF, Matt Garza, I am very proud of you! There was smiling last night, at least on my end of things. Hopefully, we can take that momentum into this weekend and avoid being swept by the White Sox.
Also, props to the Strib fan blog for this little gem. I will take this into account when I'm at the game tomorrow.

Sorry this is so short, my little brother was in a motorcycle accident last night, so aside from not seeing the game, I'm a little bit off still. Cheers all the same.

Yay!!! 5-4!

Jason Bartlett, you are my boyfriend all over again. Did you see that? Bottom 9, Lew Ford (my favorite player for some reason) on 2, Bartlett pops it, Kinsler makes it look like we're going into extra innings and then--Whoops! Didn't quite catch it! RBI double, Lewwwwwww runs home. Loves it. We won and JUAN RINCON was on the mound...that is good. However, what was with that swing that Punt-Oh made in the 9th? You curl over to avoid being hit by the ball, but you still swing at it? Who ARE you? Bad plan, guy. Can we send Punt-Oh and the Fatty to the minors? Please? That would be swell. Just a thought. Kick it around for awhile.

Casilla makes a no no

So I've been a whore. I haven't been updating. Kill me, go ahead. I will be at Friday's game v. White Sox and both Lauren and I will be at Sunday's game...we think. Until then, maybe we won't lose a game between now and then. Wouldn't that be nice? In the meantime, I thought this was kinda funny. Baseball players are people too.

Eat it with a fork.

I love winning. I'm a competitive girl, so anytime I or "my team" wins, I am happy. I watched the game tonight on and off between work and the bar, so I'm thrilled with what I saw. One thing all y'all must recognize is that I catch games whenever/wherever I can. If I'm at work and I can turn on FSN, I will. I am also dorky enough that I will make my own scorecard to watch the game and notate with. People wonder why I'm single.
My #3 BF (Jason Bartlett) played lead-off in the batting order tonight. First up, gets a BB. That's okay. He ends up scoring the first run of the evening off of Mr. J Mo. Love it. KC answers back with two runs in the second. I had to stop watching because I was at work and had to do work-y things. Go figure. All I know is that I ended up at the bar later with my friend Amy and saw that we were up 5-3. Guess what? We ended up winning 6-3! Cash money, hoes. In T9, I guess Casilla scored because my #3 BF got him an RBI. I like it. Mr. Bartlett tends to have trouble in the first few innings of the games he plays in. I don't know why...we haven't talked about it yet. I made a psuedo-scorecard out of a piece of lined paper and here are the notes I took:

• I heart ankle protectors....they're hot. Don't ask me why I think that.
• What's so Royal about Kansas City? Answer me that.
• Grudzielanek: Long name, pretty face.
• Casilla = Bad bunter. Don't know why.
• LaRue looks like a midget standing next to J Mo...maybe because J Mo is 6'4"
• Scott Baker has nice lips.
• BF #3 and I need to have a chat about game beginnings...not fucking them up.

I'm really excited to see Nick Blackburn's progression. I think he could be a huge asset to our bullpen next season. Obviously we're at season's end so we're bringing out the new kids to see what kind of damage they can do, but I think Blackie's gonna be a great addition to our team. Feel free to leave your comments. I'm kinda drunk. Going to bed. Kisses!

Nice, guys, nice.

Well, I'm proud of our boys. Big opening win last night in KC. Apparently, we made a good pick with this new kid, Nick Blackburn. I'm excited to see what kind of work he does next season. While I was at one of my other jobs today, one of my customers asked me to give him my prediction for next season. I didn't really know what to tell him. I'm still in this season and then, I will just say that I court two lovers: the Twins and the Wild. Sorry to break hearts open, but I will start turning my attention to the boys in the Green Sweaters soon. I will NOT leave my homies, but in the winter, it is HOCKEY TIME. At any rate, Lauren's #1 honey, Mr. Baker will be on the mound tonight, so I think we're in for a good game. I think it'll be a game, though, I doubt this will be an easy win. Hey offense! Step it up!

Also, big thanks to BLB for the link! Kisses!

Help Wanted

Position available, located behind home plate at HHH Metrodome. Must be able to travel. Job duties include squatting for long periods at a time, catching baseballs at 90 mph, batting well, smiling. If you cry because you get a booboo from a base running error between first and second base, you need not apply. No wussies. Send application, resume and head shot to me.

Yeah, not good to be a Twins catcher right now. Seriously.

Okay, game recap time. B1, White Sox score two runs. I was running errands at this point, so I didn't actually watch it. T2, Contreras gets beaned in the leg by L. Rodriguez. Eat it, bitch. Contreras walks it off and continues pitching. Atta boy, champ. One run scored for us. T3, we take a big lead, scoring four runs. At this point, I was like "Hells yeah! We have GOT this! It is IN THE BAG!" I was wrong. B4, Chicago comes back and says "Eat this, three runs, whores!" Because of this, Matt Garza cries. However, we make a very nice game of tag between third and home plate to end the inning. Looked like something you'd see in a movie. If you were to be scoring it, it would be notated as 6-4-5-1-5. To come back from this, our brand new catcher, Mr. Morales stumbles over himself in between first and second bases in T5. Big owie. No smiles. Limps off the field. We score a run that inning. T6, Two-I hits a homer. High five buddy. 7-5. I think we're going to win now. Contreras taps out. Mike Myers to the mound. Not pretty. Like, he's not hot. B7, Pierzynski (former Twin, I might add) pinch hits off of fresh pitcher Carmen Cali, home run right there. Mr. Sidearm comes in to relieve Cali. Two outs. Two more runs scored. 8-7. T8, MacDougal to the mound, pitches .2 of the inning. Thorton to the mound to close the half of the inning. B8, bases loaded with White Sox, 2 away, Matt Guerrier steps in. Gets the K. Hotness. Scoreless on both sides for the rest of the game.
White Sox Manager, Ozzie Guillen said "The last two games were the ugliest games I've ever seen in baseball, for both sides." Not too hot.

Things Matt Garza Likes

Sorry we've been slackers lately. Lauren just moved and does not have internet at home yet. On Thursday, I was giving 22 a big, warm welcome. Now, I am back at it.
So, if you look at Matt Garza's bio pic, he's so happy looking! Quite some time ago, Lauren and I were discussing this and wondered "Golly, I wonder what Matt Garza likes? He sure looks like something makes him happy." Therefore, we started listing possibilities.

• Warm fuzzies
• Presents
  
• Puppies that are soft
• Ice Cream
• Sunshine
• Mommy and Daddy
• Smiling
  
• Baseball
• Torii Hunter
• Bonfires
• Rainbows
• Cookies
• Naps
• Pinatas
• Karaoke
• Nightlights
• Opening Day
  
• Sno-Cones
• Apple Juice
• Chocolate Milk
  
• Friends
  
• Watching Mr. Rogers
• Birthdays
• Hugs
• BBQs
• S'mores
• Fun
• Things that are shiny
• Christmas Day
  

Then again, there are things that Matt Garza does not like:

• Owies
• Booboos
• Thunderstorms, 'cause they're scary
• Gardy when he's mad
• Cold Pricklies
• Rain-outs
• Juan Rincon
• Cancer
• Swears
  

Okay, these lists are works in progress, so we will add as needed. Feel free to suggest.

Happy Motherfucking Labor Day.

Well, that was neat. Sabathia took our squad, bent him over his knee and made us beg. My #3 boyfriend, Mr. Jason Bartlett made a severe embarrassment out of himself in the first half of the game. Though the Twins were only given one E the entire game, I'm pretty sure BF#3 was spacy as all get out with the 2 errors that I counted against him within the first two innings.
We saw a new face out on the mound today, Nick Blackburn. According to SI, he has a 2.11 ERA in his 17 starts in the minors. Not bad, sir. JoJo was just not with us today; in his 8 innings on the mound, he walked four batters, including Kenny Lofton at the very beginning of the game. All in all, he had 4 K's, gave up 5 runs and just did not seem happy.
On a happier note, those of you watching the game saw a wicked good save by Two-I to close the top of the 9th. It was one of those neat-looking diving catches that looked like it belonged in a baseball movie. The funny part about it was that after he made the somersaulted catch, he came out of the roll and sprung right up like he was on springs. Kinda neat, gotta be honest.
I think I'm just going to end this here. If I go on, I'm going to start getting angry, and quite frankly, I really just want to sit here, drink my Boulevard Unfiltered Wheat Beer and enjoy the weather. Cheers.

Royal Pain in the Ass

Tough game. I've started to refer to Boof Bonser as "Boof the Doof." The KC offense had us pretty bad. Big ups to Alex Gordon and John Buck for their respective homeruns. Thanks. Not only do we lose, but we lose by a fair margin. Shake it off, we kinda knew it was going to happen.
Suffice it to say, I honestly think that the team is resting up for tomorrow's game. They know that Lauren and I will be in attendance, so they really want to impress us. It was nice to see my #4 boyfriend, Mr. Jones on the field. I wish he would play on my field...wait, sorry. My bad. Good to give J Mo a little break before tomorrow. We did have a little defense switch-a-roo, though, I guess Nicky Punt-Oh couldn't take the heat.
At any rate, we had a run on the board by the time we closed down, so all hope is not quite lost. Plus, JoJo is on the mound tomorrow, which should help us a little. He can't carry the whole team er anything, but it'll be good to see him. I will add that watching Scott Baker at the Dome the other night was nothing short of magical. That is where he does his work. Didn't get the no-hitter, but a truly stellar performance. My shirt goes off to you, sir.

Roundin the Bases

So one thing we do in our spare time is expand the "Baseball as Sex" metaphor. Obviously, most people will refer to the various bases and whatnot. However, we've taken it to the extreme. There was one game where J Mo hit a delicious fly to the outfield wall, but it was contestable as either a GR double vs. homerun. Lusty Justy ran to third and then kinda skipped home. Once they ruled it as a double, he just kinda stood on third base and was like "Nuh uh! I'm staying here!" We determined that that was the equivalent of kissing, making out, then oral, then a little sum'in sum'in, but finishing off things in the mouth-al region, if you catch my drift. Just when I thought we were awesome, BLB linked us to this lovely little entry from Epic Carnival. Enjoy.

Tonight, tonight.

We were Incredibly Close to seeing something really amazing tonight: A Perfect Twins game. I'm told (sources unreliable) that our Twinkies have never accomplished this feat.

Mr Scott Baker (....who is my boyfriend....) was a BB, an FC and a 1B away from that. It was really something.

I hate to say this about a 5-0, 1-hitter win, but I have no choice: That. Broke. My. Heart.

And it's not just about being a Twins fan. It's about being a fan of the game, and being someone who really loves the little stuff about baseball. I want to see a no-no. I want to catch a foul ball. I want to see my boys win in October (...as someone over the age of 7, which I was for the '91 Series. )

Tonight I came so very close. Tonight was really something special.